


I Got My Ion You

by NinjaLuna



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill Cipher is a Jerk, BillDip, College Student Dipper Pines, Dipper Pines Is Not Amused, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physics, Tags Are Hard, dipper swears a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 06:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19661578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaLuna/pseuds/NinjaLuna
Summary: In which Dipper is a sleep deprived college student and Bill is a demon trying to save his favorite human from physics.





	1. Chapter 1

“Très bien!”

“Bill Cipher, stop bothering me with your French,” said Dipper. He was very close to tearing his hair out from deep frustration.

To any casual observer, it was obvious to see that Dipper has officially lost his sanity. And who could blame him? He was studying physics.

Dipper sighed. He grabbed his pencil and read the question again. Oh. It required him to suggest two factors that could cause the acceleration of free fall vary at the surface of a real planet. For Newton's sake, Dipper couldn't do it anymore. He was done.

He should've taken Mabel's advice and signed up for Criminology instead. Maybe then he wouldn't have to -

“Did you know that all the scientists facts they feed you are loads of crap?”

"What?"

"Your physics textbook is feeding you lies, Pine Tree! Don't look at me like that - I'm telling the truth!"

"Go ahead then, Bill. Tell me why the equations that'll get me a degree are fake."

“Dear Pine Tree, you of all people should know that I am an omnipotent being that knows everything." 

"Omnipotent," Dipper repeated dubiously. "If you can’t help me with my homework, I will exorcise you to oblivion then."

"You can't."

“Oh, but I can," Dipper smirked. "I know a certain axolotl who can teach me his ways - FUCK YOU, CIPHER! THAT'S MY BOOK!"


	2. The Coffee Thief

“You must be so fucking satiated,” deadpanned Dipper.

“What did I do —“

“How many times did I tell you not to steal my coffee?!” Bill blinked. “I did not steal your soul-sucking beverage ... I’ve merely saved you from sleep deprivation.”

Dipper gasped. “So you did steal my coffee!”

“Stealing is a harsh word.”

“Coffee thief,” Dipper angrily spat. “Coffee was my savior. My love.”

Bill massaged his temple in frustration. “We’ve talked about this, Pine Tree — no unfounded assumptions. But let’s not dwell on that. Look at the bright side! Now you look less like a vampire!”

“Wha ... No ...” Dipper sputtered. “No ...?”

“On second thought, as someone who’ve met a fair share of hot vampires, you don’t even come close.”

“Fuck you.” 

* * *

“I can’t recall you declaring your dominance over the coffee,” said Bill. “So it’s not my fault.”

Dipper had to restrain himself from punching Bill in the face.

“If you were in my shoes, you would have done the same!”

“Wait a minute, is that ... Are you hiding my coffee 2.0 behind your back?” Bill’s eyes widened.

“Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Length of future chapters may vary, but I will try my best to make them longer :)


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